Why do children behave the way they do?

Children are continually making unconscious decisions based on their perceptions of their life experiences. As they make these decisions, they are searching to belong and feel significant.

They are wondering and making decisions about themselves: “Am I good or bad, capable or incapable, do I belong or don’t I belong, do I count or don’t I count?”

They are forming decisions about others: “Is this person encouraging or discouraging, helpful or hurtful, does he like me or dislike me?” They are also making decisions about the world in which they live: “Is my world safe or scary, nurturing or threatening, a place where I can thrive or a place where I need to survive?”

Children are not aware that they are making these decisions. These decisions focus on their need to belong and feel significant. They become beliefs that affect their behavior.

What They Do With Those Beliefs ?

When children feel safe – feel they belong and that they are significant – they thrive. As they thrive, they develop into capable people, and they develop social interest (interest in friends and staying connected). In contrast, when children believe they do not belong and are not significant, they adopt survival or defensive behavior.

What is Misbehavior?

Survival behavior
is often called misbehavior.
This misbehavior is based
on ideas about how to find
belonging and significance.
Rudolf Dreikurs, a
prominent psychiatrist,
called these ideas
mistaken goals because
they are
“mistaken” ways to find
belonging and significance.
A misbehaving child is a discouraged child. When
students feel that they
don’t belong, they make
the unconscious decision
to choose one of the four
goals of misbehavior: undue attention, misguided
power, revenge, or
assumed inadequacy.

Attention All children need a certain amount of attention. Many misbehaving children are seeking extra attention. For whatever reason, they are not satisfied with a normal amount of attention and need much more; thus, the goal of attention. The children who hold the unconscious thought that they can belong only when they are receiving attention will usually resort to negative attention rather than be ignored.

Power Children seeking power need to be in charge. They seek to do what they want, when they want. Sometimes they stage a scene, other times they quietly defy instructions or rules. Often they will only act out if they are assured of an audience. Tantrums are a more obvious form of power-seeking behavior.

Revenge Students who misbehave to get revenge are retaliating for real or imagined hurts. The hurt may not be associated with the teacher or school, it may be from home or another source. Often the unassociated person(s) become(s) the easy scapegoat.

Assumed Inadequacy Children who display the goal of inadequacy are extremely discouraged. Not only have they given up hope of succeeding, they also try to keep others form expecting anything of them. This goal isn’t usually active. The difficulty doesn’t lie with what the child is doing, but rather with what the child is not doing.

Mrs. Ann Miller, IU 13 School Counselor

Based on theories of Adlerian Psychology Additional information available:

273-3731 ext. 314